Before I got married I had questions that were never answered by anyone when I asked. Questions of what’s the point of marriage? What is there to gain that cannot be gained without officially being married? What changes after marriage that makes marriage a marriage? These endless questions without answers that swirled in my head for the majority of my life. No one gave me answers, many people simply were not married and if they were married they were often tight lipped and had a look on their face that they couldn’t believe I would ask such a thing.
It was one of those things I had to discover for myself since I grew up with no examples and here I am in the very beginning of an official lawful marriage to a man I love and respect and feeling incredibly lucky to experience it. I had no emotional reaction leading up to us eloping and it wasn’t until we exchanged vows and all of our memories and struggles flashed before my eyes that I realized how much I would do for this man. How much he does and would do for me. The emotional flood gates opened and it was the closest thing I’ve seen to him shedding tears and crying. And from then on what I can say that changed for us after an official lawful marriage is that we both felt an intense sense of responsibility for each other. Something we didn’t feel during the years we spent unmarried.
We both felt nervous, more committed, more aware, and selfless.
Now, entering a new way of life, there is so much to learn. How to depend on my husband. How to stand by him, how to push aside my own selfish desires for this life. In my mind, it all sounds very easy to do since I’ve already lived my own selfish life for years, but we never know what is in store and what’s ahead of us.
Since living in Texas, I’ve been jokingly referring to myself as a housewife with no husband since I was self employed and spending most of my time happily at home. But since being married and the months leading up to it and discussing our roles if we were to make the decision, I found myself having to wrap my mind around truly becoming a woman whose sole role was purely domestic.
“Will I get bored?”
”Will I need to seek adventure?”
Or worse ”Will I become lazy?”
I think as a woman, especially the woman I’ve been in my life so far, I’ve found it hard to stay still. Always wanting to explore new things, wanting to learn, wanting to discover, wanting to move on and feeling a certain level of anxiety when things weren’t going my particular way. It took awhile to become less of a complainer and more of a person who enjoys the ride. To not dwell on the rough patches and to find the joy in it and focus on growth. Never did I think I’d become a person who laughed unflinchingly in the face of adversity but thats who I’ve grown into. My past panic attacks were simply a byproduct of burnout and overwhelm, overworking, my youth, uncertainty and not prioritizing my mental health.
Knowing I have a husband who fully knows what he has signed up for, knowing of these traits, and who encourages me to continue to be me in every form is a blessing. He puts no restrictions on my life and reminds me that the girl I was before our marriage is the girl he fell in love with. Just because I am now married doesn’t mean I now have to halt every part of who I was to stay home barefoot and pregnant if that’s not what I want.
If I desire adventure, have those adventures. If I get curious about jobs outside the home or want to further my education then pursue those things. The gift is I never have to feel trapped or feel like I NEED to work outside of the home if I don’t want to. I can continue to work in my business and have things for myself as outlets and passion projects. Life for me can continue, it will just be different and if we are blessed with a child we can design our lives accordingly.
But now that we are sill young and childfree, we need to continue soaking it up while the time is here. Enjoying things how they are, designing our own lives and making our own rules. There is no need for a box. We need to just live our lives happily and trust in God to guide us.
Becoming a housewife is not the oppressed doomed role people make it out to be. It can also be the ultimate freedom of time, creativity, mental space and entrepreneurship.