My husband and I married in the middle of summer 2021 in North Texas – a place I had just moved to 6 months prior and a place he had never been until the week he showed up to marry me.
We married in secret, alone together with two strangers : The Justice of the Peace and a Security Guard. That week was the first time we saw each other since the top of the year in January and would be the last time we would see each other until the end of October. We were not surrounded by the love of friends and family. We did not have a ring on our fingers, I did not have a frilly white dress or a photographer to capture me ugly crying at the alter or our first kiss as husband and wife. Everyone we knew found out via text message and our wedding photo was a quick selfie outside of the courthouse on the way back to the car.
My only regret about this is the photos. Damn I wish I had those photos for our history books and portraits around our future house.
In my youth, I was never the little girl who fantasized about finding a husband and having kids. My inner world consumed my life and my most anticipated goal of growing up was escaping my circumstances and traveling the world to learn and discover. I knew this for as long as I could remember. I was a very quiet child, very much so to myself – as I still am here in my early 30’s. I never understood the concepts of the culture or why people always wanted to buy me boring dolls and barbies instead of video games. Because I had an older mind and read a lot of books before even beginning first grade, I knew a wedding day never equated to that mythical happily ever after so trusting this ideology that Disney and the masses were trying to force me to believe just was not working out. There was still life and change after marriage and some times that union would not work out.
My goals for my adult life stayed in the forefront of my mind throughout my adolescence and as soon as I graduated high school I set them into motion traveling by myself to various cities around the United States. Skipping college and working various retail and secretary jobs to fund my new life in new areas from Los Angeles to Michigan to New York and the Bay Area, California. And one random night when I was 22 , back home, and in the middle of finishing my journey of becoming a certified classically trained chef , I took my best friend at the time to a night club. She was a young single mother with the urge to live and experience life as her self; and clubbing, which was not my thing, was a way for her to let loose from the confines of her life and be young with the rest of us. It was that random night of drinking water in a night club I didn’t want to be in that I looked up and saw my husband smiling at me from across the room.
I immediately avoided eye contact as men were not on my radar. I wanted to finish culinary school and go on about my vagabond life – cooking my way across the world, learning in different countries and remaining unattached in my 20’s.
God had other things in store and I can hear him laughing at me now because nearly a decade after this moment in time this very man became my husband and sat patiently through my resistance. He asked my mother for my hand in marriage after year one, asked me to marry him after year two, and three, and four, and 5, 6,7,8. Never wavering, never letting a mask fall to reveal a darker side when he didn’t get his way – which happened far too often in my personal dating history.
He would always just say ”Ok. Its whenever you’re ready, girl.” With that smile on his face. And he would continue to stay by my side for better or for worse. As the years of our friendship went on and life’s ups and downs hit us hard he never disappeared, always loved me the same, and often times was the only person by my side taking care of me and supporting me and patching up my wounds. He would always remind me that whether we married or not he would “always be that shadow in the background watching over me and making sure I was ok.” And if ever we were apart all I ever had to do was call him and he will be there no matter where in the world either of us were.
He always made sure to remind me of that throughout our years together. He never fell short of these promises and never once let me down.
The purpose of this blog is to revisit my life long passion for writing that was once discouraged in past relationships. A creative outlet of mine that has been aching for a comeback for years and to chronicle my personal journey through womanhood, self discovery and now marriage. I want to share my own story in hopes there is something to be gained by others and show all the ways my independent traveler life has been combined with that of my husband. To reveal marriage as a gift and not a burden as culture would like us to believe .
Ultimately my goal for this blog is to serve as a creative personal outlet and a new source of joy I hope others can find enjoyment in.
If you find me and follow, Welcome!
and Thank You.